According to most statistics, only 30% of women will achieve orgasm during intercourse. Now I’m talking penile- vaginal intercourse alone, sounds so serious. What a relief I thought I was the only one who needed more than a little help to achieve the big O. I decided to research the female orgasm for this blog entry, wow there are a lot of hits for this one and boy did I learn a lot. Let me give you an overview to achieving an orgasm, men should read this too, you might learn something.
Firstly both men and women need to understand female genitalia, I myself had to look up how to spell that! Knowing where to find a vagina is a start, don't laugh remember all the teenage movies where the young male is feeling around "down there" in search of the girly bits. Well it's real, some boys, and men don't know and just feel around in that general vicinity hoping to strike gold. Simply knowing there's a clitoris is useless if you don't know why it's there and what it does. According to Laura Bernman PhD, " the Holy Grail of female sexual pleasure is the clitoris." Because it is the size of a small pea and known to help turn us women on, I find men tend to be a little heavy handed. No, it's not a button you just press and it's all over, it is a very supersensitive area which I think is better stimulated indirectly and I'm definitely not scared to tell a man this.
As women we can have three types of orgasms, clitoris, G-spot and cervical. No worries with the clitoris side of things, but the elusive G-spot. Apparently this hot spot leads to "intense orgasms", probably helps if you can find it first. I do remember going in search of this so-called G-spot with an ex boyfriend, after a while he asked if I came with a manual. Gee that really took the fun out of it. I had to remind him I wasn't a piece of furniture from Ikea, if he needed step by step instructions then he was best to look it up and get back to me. Note I did say ex boyfriend! But seriously for many women I think you need all 3 areas stimulated to achieve orgasm, well at least 70% of us.
Now of course there are other contributing factors to whether or not you can achieve the big O. One of those factors is alcohol, too much may give you confidence but we all have experienced the down side of one too many. My girlfriend and I often discuss our sex lives and agree when we drink that it's harder to orgasm. I'm not sure if men are aware of this but we have trouble "getting it up" too. Not literally of course but it definitely numbs the senses a little. Alcohol makes you less inhibited maybe even a little daring but can make for long, sloppy and unfinished sex. Definitely no big O for either party.
Another factor is positions. Not all positions lead to orgasms. Men seem to think we turn into gymnasts when having sex especially when plied with alcohol. Prince wasn't lying when he sang," gett off, 23 positions and one night stand." Yes, you may be great showing your knowledge of the Kama Sutra positions but really, having my legs up around my neck for 30 minutes is not necessarily going to achieve anything. Although sometimes I'm quiet proud of the fact that my legs can even get passed my waist. Women on top is well loved for a reason, it allows all the right areas to be stimulated that achieve orgasms. I also feel like I'm in charge a bit more, I am a Virgo after all.
Next, I think being in a secure relationship you feel more confident and relaxed, you get to know each others bodies and you're not afraid to ask questions and direct them in the right direction. I've also talked about age before, for me it's definitely a contributing factor to enjoying sex more. In my 30's I enjoy sex more, and I’m more confident. I'm not afraid to ask for what I want, and not so worried about how big my butt looks in the mirror or if my boobs look droopy when I’m on top. I've learnt if men are having sex they don't care.
Ok, what about faking it a la Meg Ryan in the famous restaurant scene in "When Harry met Sally". I myself don't believe in faking it, if it's not happening why pretend, then they will never learn anything. My friend say's she feels bad and doesn't want to make her boyfriend think he is inadequate. Remember (let him know this) all the above factors and the percentage of women who orgasm every time through intercourse alone is only 30%. They will get over it. There is so need to fake, best to just relax and enjoy.
Gee I don't think I've ever used the word vagina, clitoris and orgasm so much in one story. But I hope you learnt something or at least had a laugh. And when I do finally find this so called G-spot you'll be the first to know.
About My Guest: Sex and the 30 Something is a funny and sometimes 'all too real' blog written by a self confessed 'mid thirty something australian female' who 'having spent all of my 20’s in a long-term relationship I wasn’t quiet prepared for the perils of dating in my 30’s.'..... ..... I have endured many dates, flings, hook ups, meetings what ever you would like to call them and find myself STILL single after 5 years!' Am loving this blog cause she tells us how it really is, how we know it is, but won't admit it is! For more, go to Sex and the 30 Something, and let her know you came from here!
Well that certainly...hit the spot? lol. Well done, interesting read!
Posted by: Leigh | February 27, 2009 at 07:06 PM
BRAVO!!!!!! I loved the post, it was absolutely fantastic and oh so true as I am finding out being a divorced single mum now in her 30's...wow some of it was like a mirror hehe...well done :-)
Posted by: Claire Anthony | February 27, 2009 at 02:37 PM